Open Thread

A home for jokes, hectic or elclectic thoughts.

155 comments:

  1. Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

    "Hillen, its the Hilth Munister here. Sorry to bother you at this hour but there is an emergency! I've just received word thet the Durex fectory en Auckland has burned to the ground. It is istimated thet the entire New Zulland supply of condoms will be gone by the ind of the week."

    PM: "Shut - the economy wull niver be able to cope with all those unwanted babies - wi'll be ruined!"

    Hilth Munister: "We're going to hef to shup some in from abroad... Brutain?..."

    PM: "No chence!! The Poms will have a field day on thus one!"

    Hilth Munister: "What about Australia?"

    PM: "Maybe - but we don't want them to know thet we are stuck."

    Hilth Munister: "You call John Howard - tell hum we need one moollion condoms; ten enches long and eight enches thuck! That way they'll know how bug the Kiwis really are!!"

    Helen calls John, who agrees to help the Kiwis out in their hour of need.

    Three days later a plane arrives in Auckland - full of boxes.

    A delighted Hillen rushes out to open the boxes. She finds condoms; 10 unches long; 8 unches thuck, all coloured green and gold. She then notices in small writing on each and ivery one.........

    MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM

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    Replies
    1. RM he's copied and pasted this on Just Grounds......hmmmm see below...

      then notices in small writing on each and ivery one.........

      MADE IN AUSTRALIA - SIZE : MEDIUM

      ▶ Reply
      Message

      Permalink Reply by Geoff Hutchesson 1 hour ago

      Grin, LOL

      And I love your Kiwi accent Rob,

      Geoff

      Delete
    2. Permalink Reply by Geoff Brown 11 minutes ago


      Yes, great joke, Rob! Where do you get your material? Your source must be brilliant.

      Rob Moore said:

      Helen Clarke, Prime Minister of New Zulland, is rudely awoken at 4am by the telephone.

      Delete
    3. Great stuff, guys. Yes, I saw that nice bit of plagiarism over on The Rant as well Geoff, no doubt about our boy. And his cheer squad is pretty much in the same classy :-( class.
      Cheers al
      Ps You might notice that in another discussion here I have returned the compliment, but at least in my case, no plagiarism - It's my on stuff. al

      Delete
    4. Hello to old friends and maybe some new friends. I'm somewhat dormant at present, finished another book, seems to have emptied my head. Like this site though. As many of you know I am something of a scholar on the life of W S Churchill. The joke about the condoms has its origins in fact.
      After the departure of the British from Norway in 1940, it was proposed that the Royal Marines should have the muzzles of their rifles protected from the elements before their next foray into Norway.
      A British pharmaceutical company was commissioned to produce the 'special' condoms.
      When boxes of the condoms were presented to Churchill he emptied the packets out of the first box and muttered 'won't do'. He did the same with successive boxes.
      When asked by an aide what he meant they 'wont do, they are long enough for the muzzles ten and a half inches'.
      'Labels', came the reply.
      'Labels?'
      'Yes I want a label for every box, every carton, every packet, saying 'British size,:Medium. That will show the Nazis, if ever they recover one of them, who's the master race.
      By the way; Happy new Year
      Roger

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    5. G'day Roger,

      Having enjoyed your previous duology, I await your next.

      Incidently, below the comment box, where it says reply as: use the toggle switch to the "Name/URL" and type your name....you can leave the URL vacant.

      Happy New Year to you, Roger.

      Delete
  2. An Ukrainian migrant to Australia wanted to become a cabbie so he had to go for an eye test for his drivers licence. He was shown a card with the text CWNSCZYZQOCTAZS. He looked at it with wide open eyes, looking very surprised. The examiner said impatiently; well? And the Ukrainer answered; I know that bloke...

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  3. A man and his wife were sitting in the living room and he said to her,

    "Just so you know, I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle. If that ever happens, just pull the plug."

    His wife got up, unplugged the TV and threw out all of his beer.

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  4. COMPLETE AND FINISHED

    No English dictionary has been able to adequately explain the difference between these two words.

    In a recently held linguistic competition held in London, England, and attended by the best in the world, Samsundar Balgobin, a Guyanese man from Bachelors Adventure, was the clear winner with a standing ovation which lasted over 5 minutes.

    The final question was: How do you explain the difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED in a way that is easy to understand. Some people say there is no difference between COMPLETE and FINISHED.

    Here is his astute answer .... when you marry the right woman, you are COMPLETE. When you marry the wrong woman, you are FINISHED And when the right one catches you with the wrong one, you are COMPLETELY FINISHED!

    He won a trip to travel the world in style and a case of 25 year old Eldorado Rum.

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  5. Here's a helpful Tip for the festive Season ;-)
    Before you criticise someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes.
    That way, when you DO criticise them, you’ll be a mile away AND you’ll have their shoes!
    Cheers al

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  6. Now here is a quote from one of the great thinkers of the modern generation, Britney Spears : " I've never really wanted to go to Japan, simply because I don't like eating fish, and I know that's very popular out there in Africa."

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  7. Thought for today:

    If women are so good at multi-tasking, how is it that they CANNOT have a headache and sex at the same time?.


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  8. Good one Brendan.
    There is also the medically proven fact of what is a very good cure for a headache.

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  9. A Texan farmer goes to Australia for a vacation. There he meets an Aussie farmer and gets talking. The Aussie shows off his big wheat field and the Texan says, "Oh! We have wheat fields that are at least twice as large".

    Then they walk around the ranch a little, and the Aussie shows off his herd of cattle. The Texan immediately says, " We have longhorns that are at least twice as large as your cows".

    The conversation has, meanwhile, almost died when the Texan sees a herd of kangaroos hopping through the field. He asked, "And what are those"?

    The Aussie replies with an incredulous look, "Don't you have any grasshoppers in Texas"?

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  10. This is an email doing the rounds. It's long but good.

    King Arthur and the Witch:

    Young King Arthur was ambushed and imprisoned by the monarch of a neighbouring kingdom. The monarch could have killed him but was moved by Arthur's youth and ideals. So, the monarch offered him his freedom, as long as he could answer a very difficult question. Arthur would have a year to figure out the answer and, if after a year, he still had no answer, he would be put to death.

    The question?...What do women really want? Such a question would perplex even the most knowledgeable man, and to young Arthur, it seemed an impossible query. But, since it was better than death, he accepted the monarch's proposition to have an answer by year's end.

    He returned to his kingdom and began to poll everyone: the princess, the priests, the wise men and even the court jester. He spoke with everyone, but no one could give him a satisfactory answer.

    Many people advised him to consult the old witch, for only she would have the answer.

    But the price would be high; as the witch was famous throughout the kingdom for the exorbitant prices she charged.

    The last day of the year arrived and Arthur had no choice but to talk to the witch. She agreed to answer the question, but he would have to agree to her price first.

    The old witch wanted to marry Sir Lancelot, the most noble of the Knights of the Round Table and Arthur's closest friend!

    Young Arthur was horrified. She was hunchbacked and hideous, had only one tooth, smelled like sewage, made obscene noises, etc. He had never encountered such a repugnant creature in all his life.

    He refused to force his friend to marry her and endure such a terrible burden; but Lancelot, learning of the proposal, spoke with Arthur

    He said nothing was too big of a sacrifice compared to Arthur's life and the preservation of the Round Table.

    Hence, a wedding was proclaimed and the witch answered Arthur's question thus:

    What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life.

    Everyone in the kingdom instantly knew that the witch had uttered a great truth and that Arthur's life would be spared.

    And so it was, the neighbouring monarch granted Arthur his freedom and Lancelot and the witch had a wonderful wedding.

    The honeymoon hour approached and Lancelot, steeling himself for a horrific experience, entered the bedroom. But, what a sight awaited him. The most beautiful woman he had ever seen lay before him on the bed. The astounded Lancelot asked what had happened

    The beauty replied that since he had been so kind to her when she appeared as a witch, she would henceforth, be her horrible deformed self only half the time and the beautiful maiden the other half.

    Which would he prefer? Beautiful during the day....or night?

    Lancelot pondered the predicament. During the day, a beautiful woman to show off to his friends, but at night, in the privacy of his castle, an old witch? Or, would he prefer having a hideous witch during the day, but by night, a beautiful woman for him to enjoy wondrous intimate moments?

    What would YOU do?

    What Lancelot chose is below.

    BUT....make YOUR choice before you scroll down below.


    OKAY?




    Noble Lancelot said that he would allow HER to make the choice herself.

    Upon hearing this, she announced that she would be beautiful all the time because he had respected her enough to let her be in charge of her own life

    Now....what is the moral to this story?



    The moral is.....
    If you don't let a woman have her own way....
    Things are going to get ugly

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  11. Haha, woth the reading to the end, Dale. I think I would have stuffed that up and gone for separate beds and the daytime root, er route.

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    1. lol Mikko

      On a serious level don't we all get tied up with how a situation is presented to us or see only the two options presented without taking a step back, taking a wider view and thinking out side the box.

      Delete
  12. "What a woman really wants, she answered....is to be in charge of her own life". Simple really, but that usually means being in charge of us mere men too :0)

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  13. Nothing from the girls? Maybe they are all at JG? Anyway I hope 2013 is kind to all you fellows who do such a good job in Blogosphere. Rained all night here, as my neighbour said, and we got 3mm.

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  14. Dixie, as the totally fair - minded, non - misgonynist, androgynist that I am, I am here to support you. Please check this out :-)

    "One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river.
    When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, "My dear child, why are you crying?" The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
    The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.

    "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No."
    The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a golden thimble studded with rubies.

    "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No."
    The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.

    "Is this your thimble?" the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes." The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.

    Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying?'' "Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!"

    The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney. "Is this your husband? The Lord asked.

    "Yes," cried the seamstress .The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth!" The seamstress replied, "Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said "no" to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.

    Then if I said "no" to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said "yes," you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said "yes" to George Clooney".
    And so the Lord let her keep him.

    The moral of this story is:
    Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's their story, and they're sticking to it.
    Cheers al

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  15. Oh really you fellows !!!!!!

    The patient's family gathered to hear what the specialists had to say.

    "Things don't look good. The only chance is a brain transplant. This is an experimental procedure. It might work, but the bad news is that brains are very expensive, and you will have to pay the costs yourselves."

    "Well, how much does a brain cost?" asked the relatives.

    "For a male brain, $500,000. For a female brain, $200,000."

    Some of the younger male relatives tried to look shocked, but the men nodded in understanding, and a few actually smirked. Then the patient's daughter asked, "Why the difference in price between male brains and female brains?"

    "A standard pricing practice," said the head of the team. "Women's brains have to be marked down because they are used."



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  16. Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, may you be bleesed with Peace and Happiness and may the New Year be Happy, healthy and prosperous for you all.
    (even if your jokes are crook ;-) )

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  17. Haha, great to see you and Dixie appear here, Jano (and I happily admit I was stirring to hopefully provoke a response :0)
    Merry Christmas to all and I would be the first to admit that the world would be a very dull, boring and unattractive place without the fairer sex. Good of Adam to have sacrificed a rib bone to make that happen tho ... (joke).

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  18. To you also Jan I wish to return these very worthy sentiments.
    To everyone & I do mean everyone, who had not only has joined this little exodus blog but also reads it I will repeat Jan's greeting.

    Wishing you all a very Merry Christmas, may you be bleesed with Peace and Happiness and may the New Year be Happy, healthy and prosperous for you all.

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  19. PS - I would have thought men's brains would be worth more because we all have two of them, one just gets used more than the other ;-0

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  20. Good comment about Adam's rib John, but ......



    Q. What did God say after creating man?

    A. I can do better.

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  21. Ha, well. who got them kicked out of paradise cause she couldn't resist a bit of snakey gossip :0)

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  22. It was Adam's fault, he was such a tightwad !!!!

    Adam was hanging around the garden of Eden feeling very lonely. So, God asked him, "What's wrong with you?"

    Adam said he didn't have anyone to talk to. God said that He was going to make Adam a companion and that it would be a woman. He said, "This pretty lady will gather food for you, she will cook for you, and when you discover clothing, she will wash it for you. She will always agree with every decision you make and she will not nag you, and will always be the first to admit she was wrong when you've had a disagreement. She will praise you! She will bear your children and never ask you to get up in the middle of the night to take care of them. "She will NEVER have a headache and will freely give you love and passion whenever you need it."

    Adam asked God, "What will a woman like this cost?"

    God replied, "An arm and a leg."

    Dunno about that said Adam , "What can I get for a rib?"

    Of course the rest is history......................

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  23. or maybe Adam didn't read the fine print

    And God promised man that good and obedient wives would be found in all corners of the world.
    Then he made the earth round - and he laughed and laughed and laughed.................

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  24. Just like I am now. Good repartee boys and girls :0)

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  25. Enough of Adam, hope you all had a lovely Christmas with loved ones. Thought you might like some insight into a Christmas tradition that is still carried out within our family - A Fairy on top of the Tree. -

    The Christmas Fairy
    Santa was very upset. It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right!

    Mrs. Claus had burned all the mince pies. The elves were complaining about not getting paid overtime. The reindeer had been drinking sherry all afternoon and were dead drunk. And to make matters worse, they had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree.

    Santa was furious. "I can't believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours and all of my reindeer are drunk, the elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree!" He continued, "I sent that stupid little Christmas fairy out hours ago to find a tree and she isn't back yet! What am I going to do?"

    Just then, the Christmas fairy opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree behind her. She said, "Yo, fat man! Where do you want me to stick the tree this year?"

    And thus the tradition of fairies on top of the Christmas tree got its start.

    Fa la la la la, la la, la la.

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  26. Politics and the state of world finances is so depressing - have a laugh. I just did.

    IF THIS DOESN'T MAKE YOU LAUGH, YOU NEED HELP!

    A mother took her five-year-old son with her
    To the bank on a busy lunchtime.
    They got behind a very fat woman wearing a
    Business suit complete with pager.

    As they waited patiently, the little boy said loudly,
    'Gee, she's fat!'
    The mother bent down and whispered in
    The little boys ear to be quiet.
    A couple of minutes passed by and the little boy spread
    His hands as far as they would go and announced;

    'I'll bet her butt is this wide!'

    The fat woman turns around and glares at the little boy.
    The mother gave him a good telling off,
    And told him to be quiet.
    After a brief lull, the large woman reached the front of the line.
    Just then, her pager began to emit a

    Beep, beep, beep

    The little boy yells out,

    'Run for your life, she's backing up!!



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  27. Yes Jano, we can laugh but if a man had posted that, he would be a misogynist, sexist pig who is also biased and cruel to the weight challenged :0) Gee I'm glad it wasn't me.

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  28. John, I've been trying for three days to think of a smart response to your post - I know there is one, it'll come to me edventually ;-)

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  29. I have a good joke but it has to have a picture to make it work. Can one put pictures on here somehow?

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    1. Bev, that's a good question. Geoff B, a resident expert, may correct me, but I am sure you can't, UNLESS you acually launch a new discussion. It is clear that others who have done that have been able to include pics, and (maybe) live hyperlinks, but when I launched a new discussion (Driving Roads) and wanted to include 2 compressed pics, I couldn't! Go figure.
      Cheers al

      Delete
  30. Ah maybe it's the magic Macs Al. I agree - don't think there is provision for pics in the comments but I just followed the commands in the add new post about adding pics and works ok for me.

    So, picture two ladies of mature age and ample girth, gossiping over their dividing fence.
    "What's the best form of birth control after 50," one asks
    "Nudity!" the wise neighbour replies.

    (Don't shoot the messenger I think girls over 50 can still look pretty sexy...)

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    1. hahaha - Wearing clothes is very sexy for anyone over a certain age I reckon. Always leave that little bit for the imagination (My opinion only maybe!!). lol.

      Delete
  31. Yes, it is a failing in blogspot, no images in comments and even worse, unfortunately no active links.

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  32. Some thoughts on walking, not necessarily mine:

    The only reason I would take up walking
    is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

    I have to walk early in the morning,
    before my brain figures out what I'm doing...

    My grandpa started walking
    five miles a day when he was 60.
    Now he's 97 years old
    and we have no idea where the hell he is.

    I like long walks,
    especially when they are taken
    by people who annoy me.

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    1. bro' John, are you baiting me/ You know barb and I love walking. matter of fact, we are just about to go out for a 15km walk up and down and round about the Yarra, near us. The paths are almost rough and narrow enough to deter all but the most seriously kamikazi mountain bike riders, which is great.

      And then, we will be doing a bit more serious walking around Wanaka and Queenstown (NZ)in March, in preparation for the Euro Dolomites (Austrian and NE Italian alps, if you prefer) June and July. bring it on!! :-)
      Cheers al

      Delete
  33. Seriously guys, I cando so much better, and it is no joke - it happened to me as I was walking to the shops.

    Just walking along the footpath..lovely day, birds chirping, feeling great...
    Suddenly...

    A bloodly great tree appeared out of nowhere.
    I walked into it, smack, bang!
    Like I said, bloody tree!
    Broke my glasses, I did.
    How dare they have stupid trees along the foot path...when I am walking.
    There should be a law against trees.

    I might be vertically challenged (short).
    I might be myopic (short sighted) and I respect Mr MaGoo (lovely blind as a bat dead guy).
    But I aint stupid, no sireee.
    I know my rights.

    That tree should not have been there!!

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  34. Just a question for the creator of this site.
    Why is there not a "how to post a blog" drop down menu here?
    I have tried using the blogger tools page - failed miserably, and I don't have enough time to waste trying to be a "blogger".

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  35. Hi Al and Eb - sorry Al I was baiting everyone. I know you and Barb are super walkers but we like it too. Cathy is just back from early am stint with the dogs (she gets up around dawn, way to early for me but I do the late afternoon stint along the beach and often over to Wild Cattle Island at low tide. They were just jokes...
    And Eb, it's bad when trees suddenly jump out and ambush you :0)
    Re creating a blog - I'm not 'The Creator' but if you mean adding a new topic on here, it's easy peasy if you just click on 'new post' at top right of the page and follow the prompts - not that different to the old departed site once you've tried it.
    Cheers
    JohnM

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  36. This one had a picture too, so picture this: Two old guys sitting on a park bench contemplating nature when a couple of women walk buy, conversing.
    One old guy finally speaks, reflecting wisdom gained over the years: "You know God has to be the greatest inventor of all time. He took one rib and made a loudspeaker".

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  37. I pinched this from a tweet so hope no fines for that....

    Record temps only since Carbon tax came in. Carbon tax causes climate change. The data proves it.

    Just made me grin.

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  38. Hi Dixie, yep, it's working well, hey :0)

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  39. I was out walking with my 4-year-old granddaughter.
    She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth.
    I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that.
    "Why?" my granddaughter asked.
    "Because it's been on the ground. You don't know where it's been, it's dirty, and probably has germs," I replied.
    At this point, my granddaughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Grandma, how do you know all this stuff?
    “You are so smart.”
    I was thinking quickly, "All Grandmas know this stuff. It's on the Grandma Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Grandma."
    We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information.
    "Oh...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, you have to be the Grandpa."
    "Exactly," I replied.

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  40. Post from GWR by Ken Schlichte

    Those attending today’s climate-change rally in Olympia to draw attention to rising temperatures may also be interested in the current weather conditions information below from The Olympian. Note that Olympia’s current temperature is 23 degrees F, but it really feels like it is 17 degrees F.

    23ºF = -5ºC
    17ºF = -8.33333

    How will they feel crying "Stop Global Warming."

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  41. Now now Geoffrey, we all know that this heat wave is unprecedented, the bushfires never experienced before, the king tides higher than ever and its all down to global warming :0) I heard David Karolly say so just a day or two ago so it must be true (just kidding).
    And Jan, you're right, Grandad would probably just tell the kid to go for it so she would have less chance of developing allergies and build up her immune system,. Dumb men what would they know?
    (Sorry, stirring again).

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  42. G'day Mikko,

    How about this -

    http://theclimatescepticsparty.blogspot.com.au/2013/01/a-warming-australia-fact-or-fiction.html
    For 12 years until 1998 William Kininmonth was head of the National Climate Centre. Between 1998 and 2002, he consulted to the World Meteorological Organization. William questions whether a coming period of sharp cooling cannot be discounted.

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  43. Don't worry Geoff I haven't gone over to the dark side :0)

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  44. I have some very good advice for everybody. Don't grow old because it seems that when you start to get old, the Govt immediately set in place procedures to get rid of you.

    Both State and Federal Govt are withdrawing very important services for Aged, Disabled and chronically ill people.
    The state Govt have just closed down 200 Aged care beds in Rockhampton alone.

    Between the State And Federal Govt, so far in the last 2 months they have removed the Chronic Health Dental Scheme.

    The travel subsidy scheme from Gladstone to Rockhampton is withdrawn because Rotary International run a small bus to Rockhampton for people who do not have transport and have to see specialists because there are none available in Gladstone.


    I seriously doubt that the dozens of people who have to travel to Rockhampton will all fit in the small bus and how can all specialists be synchronised to fit into a time for the bus. This bus is a voluntary community service but it looks like the Govt are going to take advantage of their good work to save a few measly dollars themselves.

    Many Community Services are being withdrawn or very severely restricted. Podiatry Services for Chronic patients will finish within weeks.

    Community Home cleaning help is being withdrawn from aged and disabled people in their own homes. If this is curtailed there will probably be a curtailment of "home help" services as well for Pensioners and disabled.

    They are even apparently going to remove the "Continence Aids Supply Scheme" which will mean that people in the unfortunate position of needing such aids will then have to buy them at a cost of many hundreds of dollars a year.

    There are many other things that they will be removing. The ones listed here are just the ones so far that my wife and myself have been advised by the govt Departments are being removed.

    Gillard sprouts on about the couple of measly dollars that she is giving to "offset power increases" but what about all of the other services that are being taken away from the people in the community how are most in need of them and do not have the ability to offset the extra costs that will be incurred.

    I guess that you have to get over 70 to see what the mongrels have in store for you when you get old and cannot live a comfortable life because they screw us into the ground.

    Makes you wonder why you worked your guts out for all of those years and paid your taxes and contributed to society like everybody should and never put your hand out until you reached a stage where you have to ask for help because they leave you nothing.

    For 35 years or more I was self employed, paid my taxes (income, sales tax and many other direct taxes) and did my bit for my community but his is recognised by the Govts by kicking you in the guts and then make sure that you stay down where they can control you.

    We are lucky enough to have 2 great daughters who help us out when they can (they reckon that we helped them through Uni and are returning the favour) but many others do not have such help.

    We do not drink or smoke at all but we still have to travel by road to Doctors appointments etc and all spare cash is taken up buying fuel to do so. We will get by but it is getting harder every day to do so when the Govt remove vital services from the Aged and infirm to balance their budgets and then they pay themselves huge amounts of money that increases out of proportion every year.

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  45. A terrible indictment, Peter. Not at all funny and I don't doubt it is all true. I hadn't heard about the travel subsidy to Rocky being axed because of the bus. Sorry to hear things are so grim.

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  46. This comment has been removed by the author.

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  47. The comment I made was a joke, but I had not read Peter's post in full, so the joke I published was probably in bad taste.


    :-(


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  48. Here are some of the Benefits of ageing: It's not all bad.

    1. Kidnappers are not very interested in you.

    2. In a hostage situation, you are likely to be released first.

    3. It’s harder and harder for sexual harassment charges to stick.

    4. No one expects you to run into a burning building.

    5. People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.

    6. Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.

    7. Your joints are more accurate meteorologists than the National Weather Bureau.

    8. There’s nothing left to learn the hard way.

    9. Things you buy now won’t wear out.

    10. You enjoy hearing about other people’s operations.

    11. You get into a heated argument about pension plans.

    12. You have a party and the neighbors don’t even realize it.

    13. You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.

    14. You quit trying to hold your stomach in, no matter who walks into the room.

    15. You sing along with lift music.

    16. Your eyes won’t get much worse.

    17. Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can’t remember them either.

    18. Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size

    ReplyDelete
  49. I mustn't be quite there yet. Don't pass no 14 especially on the beach :0) There's life in the old dog yet!

    ReplyDelete
  50. Juliar Gillard was on TV last week promoting the referendum on Aboriginals being recognised in the Australian Constitution.

    This is ludicrous. These people were being born here long before the white man came but they are not recognised in the Constitution for reasons known only to some Politicians.

    There are two cases of personal friends that are affected by this move that I personally know of.

    In one case, a married couple, she indigenous ,he newly naturalised Citizen.

    He although being a newcomer to Australia has received Citizenship and so is recognised in the Australian Constitution, she is not recognised because of her indigenous status, after all she was born here.

    The other case The wife is not indigenous but was born in Australia. She is recognised in the Australian Constitution but her indigenous husband is not, even though he was also born in Australia and his forebears have been for thousands of years.

    I am totally opposed to the referendum to recognise Aboriginals, not because they are aboriginals or for any racist reason but because they are already Australian by birth and as such should be recognised in the Australian Constitution the same as every non aboriginal born in Australia and the same as every person not born in Australia who has been naturalised.

    The Prime Minister was not born in Australia but claims recognition under the Australian Constitution so why should anybody,
    irrespective of colour not be recognised if they were born here.

    I find it offensive in the extreme that the Govt and Gillard in particular should consider that these people are not recognised in the Constitution. This is tantamount to harking back to the days when Aboriginals were considered sub human.
    If anybody is sub-human it is the politicians.

    Aboriginals were given the vote when Whitlam was in power so that should be the end of it. If they are entitled to vote, the same as every other Australian Citizen then they must also surely be recognised in the Constitution.

    With the large number of immigrants to this country that have been naturalised, it is offensive to determine that these Naturalised, non Australian born citizens(who are recognised in the Constitution) will now be expected to vote to determine whether the original inhabitants of this country and who were born here, (and have been for thousands of years) are to be afforded recognition in the Australian Constitution.

    The Aboriginals are by birth, citizens of Australia and as such should not only be recognised but should be given a fair shake for a change.

    We are kidding ourselves if we believe that "recognising them under the Constitution" anything will change in regard to the control and administration of Aboriginals.
    The Aboriginal Industry will go on and they will still not get the same opportunities as white people.

    As long as governments keep them confined to settlements and reserves and insist on administrating their welfare they will never be able to move forward, recognition in the Constitution or not.

    Stabbing a long serving Senator of the Prime Minister's Party in the back and dispatching her so that the Prime Minister can appoint an Aboriginal of high standing in her community for a Senate position is an insult to the person she appointed and a slap in the face for aboriginals so that she can now say "Look I have one of them on my team now, what a great person I am"

    ReplyDelete
  51. The thing is Peter, Gillard did not write the Constitution, so if a referendum is required to recognise the original innhabitants of this land in the Constitution, it can't be blamed upon her (unfortunately).

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Im have several friends who are a white/indigenous marriage. One is a man who is about to be naturalised and has an indigenous wife.
      When he is naturalised hr will be recognised in the Australian Constitution but his wife will not, and she was born in Australia.
      Another couple are a non indigenous woman and an indigenous man. Both were born in Australia but only she is recognised under the Australian Constitution, he is not recognised.
      It is a ludicrous situation. Everybody (except politicians apparently) know that the Aboriginals were the original inhabitants and owners of the Country and if they are born here why aren't they recognised under the Constitution???

      To apss a referendum recognising Aboriginals will not change the Aboriginal industry and they will still be confined to reserves and settlements and still treated as second class citizens. There is a lot of racism in Australia and sadly a lot of it is fuelled by politicians and do gooder social workers looking after their own interests.

      Delete
  52. Time for a good joke I reckon...A chicken farmer went to a local bar... Sat next to a woman and ordered a glass of champagne.

    The woman perks up and says, 'How about that? I just ordered a glass of champagne, too!'

    'What a coincidence' the farmer says. 'This is a special day for me... I am celebrating.'

    'This is a special day for me too, I am also celebrating!' says the woman.

    'What a coincidence!' says the farmer! As they clinked glasses the man asked, 'What are you celebrating?'

    'My husband and I have been trying to have a child and today my gynaecologist told me that I am pregnant!'

    'What a coincidence,' says the man. 'I'm a chicken farmer and for years all of my hens were infertile, but today they are all laying fertilized eggs.'

    'That's great!' says the woman. 'How did your chickens become fertile?'

    'I used a different cock,' he replied.

    The woman smiled and said, 'What a coincidence.'

    (For sensitive types, just substitute 'rooster' but the term used is correct for a male fowl. The rest is all in your minds :0)

    ReplyDelete
  53. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  54. This is fascinating
    This is how the border between India and Pakistan is closed every evening!!
    This is not a comedy skit.. although John Cleese would love it. Think Ministry of Silly Walks!

    Keep in mind that both of these countries have nuclear weapons...

    Evening Closing of the India Pakistan border

    http://www.wimp.com/indiapakistan/

    ReplyDelete
  55. Many many years ago when I was twenty-three,
    I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be.

    This widow had a daughter who had hair of red.
    My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed.

    This made my dad my son-in-law and changed my very life.
    My daughter was my mother, for she was my father's wife.

    To complicate the matters worse, although it brought me joy,
    I soon became the father of a bouncing baby boy.

    My little baby then became a brother-in-law to Dad.
    And so became my uncle, though it made me very sad.

    For if he was my uncle, then that also made him brother
    To the widow's grown-up daughter who, of course, was my step-mother.

    Father's wife then had a son, who kept them on the run.
    And he became my grandson, for he was my daughter's son.

    My wife is now my mother's mom and it surely makes me blue.
    Because, although she is my wife, she is my grandma too.

    If my wife is my grandmother, then I am her grandchild.
    And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild.

    For now I have become the strangest case you ever saw.
    As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey Geoff,
      That is my family song.
      When my mother married my uncle she then became my Aunt and my uncle became my father and my cousins became my brothers and sisters and my brothers became my cousins and so in actual fact I am my own cousin. True story.

      Delete


  56. Heaven and Hell

    While on her morning ride on her broomstick, Prime Minister Julia Gillard falls off, has a heart attack and dies because the 'accident and emergency' dept at her nearest hospital is too understaffed to treat her in time.

    So her soul arrives in Heaven and she is met by St Peter at the Pearly Gates. 'Welcome to Heaven,' says St Peter, 'Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a Socialist around these parts, so we're not sure what to do with you.'

    'No problem, just let me in; I'm a good Christian; I'm a believer,' says the PM.

    'I'd like to just let you in, but I have orders from God. He says that since the implementation of his new HEAVEN CHOICES policy, you have to spend one day in Hell and one day in Heaven. Then you must choose where you'll live for eternity.'

    'But I've already made up my mind. I want to be in Heaven,' replies Gillard.

    'I'm sorry .. But we have our rules,' Peter interjects . And, with that, St. Peter escorts her to a lift and she goes down, down, down ....all the way to Hell.

    The doors open and she finds herself in the middle of a lush golf course.

    The sun is shining in a cloudless sky. The temperature is a perfect 22°C. In the distance is a beautiful club-house. Standing in front of it are Gough Whitlam and thousands of other Socialist luminaries who had helped her out over the years --- Bob Hawke, Paul Keating, etc.,even Kevin Rudd - the whole of the Labor Party leaders were there together with all the socialists from other parts of the world.

    Everyone is laughing, happy, and casually but expensively dressed.

    They run to greet her, to hug her (except Rudd who is still recovering from the stab wounds to his back!! ) and to reminisce about the good times they had getting rich at the expense of 'suckers and peasants.'

    They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster and caviar. The Devil himself comes up to Gillard with a frosty drink, 'Have a tequila and relax, Julia!'

    'Uh, I can't drink anymore; I took a pledge,' says Gillard, dejectedly. 'This is Hell, ma’am. You can drink and eat all you want and not worry and it just gets better from there!'

    Gillard takes the drink and finds herself liking the Devil, who she thinks is a really very friendly bloke who tells funny jokes like herself and pulls hilarious nasty pranks, kind of like the ones the Labor Party pulled at the last election with their master strokes on Education, Immigration, National Broadband Network, Petrol prices, Carbon Tax, Mining Tax, Budget Surpluses, Solar schemes, Health Rebate, and Tough on Crime promises.

    They are having such a great time that, before she realises it, it's time to go. Everyone gives her a big hug (except Rudd!) and waves as she steps into the lift and heads upward.

    When the lift door reopen, she is in Heaven again and St Peter is waiting for her. 'Now it's time to visit Heaven,' the old man says, opening the gate.

    So for 24 hours Gillard is made to hang out with a bunch of honest, good-natured people who enjoy each other's company, talk about things other than money and treat each other decently. Not a nasty prank or short-arse joke among them. No fancy country clubs here and, while the food tastes great, it's not caviar or lobster. And these people are all poor. She doesn't see anybody she knows and she isn't even treated like someone special!

    'Whoa,' she says uncomfortably to herself. 'Gough Whitlam never prepared me for this!'

    ReplyDelete
  57. Part (2)

    The day done, St Peter returns and says, 'Well, you've spent a day in Hell and a day in Heaven. Now choose where you want to live for Eternity.'

    With the 'Deal or No Deal' theme playing softly in the background, Gillard reflects for a minute ... Then answers: 'Well, I would never have thought I'd say this -- I mean, Heaven has been delightful and all -- but I really think I belong in Hell with my friends.'

    So St Peter escorts her to the lift and down she goes, down, down, all the way to Hell.

    The doors of the lift open and she is in the middle of a barren scorched earth covered with garbage and toxic industrial wasteland, looking a bit like the eroded, rabbit and fox affected Australian outback, but worse and more desolate.

    She is horrified to see all of her friends, dressed in rags and chained together, picking up the roadside rubbish and putting it into black plastic bags. They are groaning and moaning in pain, faces and hands black with grime.

    The Devil comes over to Gillard and puts an arm around her shoulder. ' I don't understand,' stammers a shocked Gillard, 'Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and a club-house and we ate lobster and caviar and drank tequila. We lazed around and had a great time.. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and everybody looks miserable!'

    The Devil looks at her, smiles slyly and purrs, 'Yesterday we were campaigning; today you voted for us!

    ReplyDelete
  58. The sun was hot already - it was only 8 o'clock
    The cocky took off in his Ute, to go and check his stock.
    He drove around the paddocks checking wethers, ewes and lambs,
    The float valves in the water troughs, the windmills on the dams

    He stopped and turned a windmill on to fill a water tank
    And saw a ewe down in the dam, a few yards from the bank..
    "Typical sheep," he thought, "they've got no common sense,
    "They won't go through a gateway but they'll jump any bloody fence."

    The ewe was stuck down in the mud, he knew without a doubt
    She'd stay there 'til she carked it if he didn't get her out.
    But when he reached the water's edge, the startled ewe broke free
    And in her haste to get away, began a swimming spree.

    He reckoned once her fleece was wet, the weight would drag her down
    If he didn't rescue her, the stupid sod would drown.
    Her style was unimpressive, her survival chances slim
    He saw no other option, he would have to take a swim.

    He peeled his shirt and singlet off, his trousers, boots and socks
    And as he couldn't stand wet clothes, he also shed his jocks.
    He jumped into the water and away that cocky swam
    He caught up with her somewhere near the middle of the dam.

    The ewe was quite evasive, she kept giving him the slip
    He tried to grab her sodden fleece but couldn't get a grip.
    At last he got her to the bank and stopped to catch his breath
    She showed him little gratitude for saving her from death.

    She took off like a Bondi tram around the other side
    He swore next time he caught that ewe he'd hang her hide.
    Then round and round the dam they ran, although he felt quite puffed
    He still thought he could run her down, she must be nearly
    stuffed.

    The local stock rep came along, to pay a call that day.
    He knew this bloke was on his own, his wife had gone away,
    He didn't really think he'd get fresh scones for morning tea
    But neither was he ready for what he was soon to see.

    He rubbed his eyes in disbelief at what came into view
    For running down the catchment came this frantic-looking ewe.
    And on her heels in hot pursuit and wearing not a stitch
    The farmer yelling wildly, "Come back here, you lousy bitch!"

    The stock rep didn't hang around, he took off in his car
    The cocky's reputation has been damaged near and far
    So bear in mind the Work Safe rule when next you check your flocks
    Spot the hazard, assess the risk, and always wear your jocks!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some great stuff here, and I must grab some time to do it justice. Meantime, flaunting my newfound (thanks to Dale's 'Help' advice) skill (??) at posting live links, here's our youngest grandson (very big, for just 5) displaying his disco skills at school. Must admit, I find absolutely nothing to like in the current 21st Century version of pop music. or 'dancing'. But he is my grandson, and I llike the way he had to be urged back into action by his off-screen mum :-)
      Click Here for the Action
      Cheers al.

      Delete
  59. Time I gave it away, and went to watch the footie. (Carn the Gold Coast Suns!!) That link I posted above is great in my opinion and I hope you like it too. But, nothing to do with our discoing 5yo, who unfortunately can't make an appearance as his vid isn't on the web. So how did Google pick up the link that I did post? Ah, the wonders of the cyberworld at play again.
    Cheers al

    ReplyDelete
  60. MT. VERNON, TEXAS , WHOREHOUSE SUES LOCAL CHURCH OVER LIGHTNING STRIKE

    Diamond D's brothel began construction on an expansion of their building to increase their ever-growing business.
    In response, the local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the business from expanding -- with morning, afternoon, and evening prayer sessions at their church.
    Work on Diamond D's progressed right up until the week before the grand reopening when lightning struck the whorehouse and burned it to the ground!
    After the cat-house was burned to the ground by the lightning strike, the church folks were rather smug in their outlook, bragging about "the power of prayer."
    But late last week 'Big Jugs' Jill Diamond, the owner/madam, sued the church, the preacher and the entire congregation on the grounds that the church ... "was ultimately responsible for the demise of her building and her business -- either through direct or indirect divine actions or means."
    In its reply to the court, the church vehemently and voraciously denied any and all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise.
    The crusty old judge read through the plaintiff's complaint and the defendant's reply, and at the opening hearing he commented, "I don't know how the hell I'm going to decide this case, but it appears from the paperwork, that we now have a whorehouse owner who staunchly believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that thinks it's all b---s--t!"

    ReplyDelete
  61. WARNING the India Scamming Brigade are at it again with a vengeance.

    Bloody stupid Niece fell for the old "your computer has been recognised as having a problem, please log on to a certain address and we can fix it". They say that they are from Windows scam department or something similar.
    The dopy Niece did have trouble sending an email and so thought that they were fair dinkum. BIG MISTAKE it was simply a coincidence that they happened top call when they did.

    She fell for it hook line and sinker and gave her credit card details for the repair service.

    Within hours they had cleaned out her account and somehow managed to run up a large overdrawn amount.

    The Bank will do nothing because she gave the details to the crooks and authorised a withdrawal of funds. They just took more than they were supposed to. Nobody wants to know about it because she authorised a transaction on the account.

    Then bugger me tonight I had 2 calls purporting to be Windows scam department. The only problem is that I do not have Windows because I have an IMac.
    They were not happy when I screamed obscenities at them and told them to F..... off.

    We get these regularly but how would they know if I had a computer at all and if it was being hacked into.

    My sister in Rockhampton gets several of these calls a week and she doesn't even own a computer.

    Be warned and do not accept calls from anybody that you can't identify and if the caller ID on your phone says "OVERSEAS" then don't have a bar of it.

    If your computer is having problems with receiving or sending Emails ring your Provider. They will never ring or message you to advise of anything.

    If there is a problem with your computer, ring your computer tech. He won't ring or message you either to tell you that you have had a problem identified. Only you can discover that.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This happened in April 2013 but this same stupid woman ( no apology for the name) still has not learned her lesson. She got caught up in another scam.
      A poor lonely American soldier stationed in Afghanistan contacted her and convinced her that he was a genuine US Serviceman who had recently lost his wife and had 2 little children in Canada being cared for by a relative there.
      Within a couple of weeks he had proposed (and the stupid woman accepted his proposal), then the squeeze set in.
      He claimed that he was ordered by the Army to go to a neighboring province and murder innocent men, women and children. He could not accept that so he deserted to a nearby area where he caught malaria and had to be admitted to hospital.
      Now he claimed that they do not supply medications or food so please send $7000 to help keep him alive until he can get to Australia, but don't send it direct. Send it through the pastor of a nearby church who will keep 1/4 of it for helping.
      A check of the internet reveals that the last christian church in Afghanistan was destroyed and burnt in 2010.

      He can't use his own bank accounts because if he does the military will find him and he will be shot for desertion.
      all sounds pretty much on the level doesn't it. NOT.
      Problem is the woman still believes that he is fair dinkum and still believes that he will come and marry her soon so the money still keeps heading off overseas.
      There are thousands of cases like this coming to light every day. It appears that the American Military scams are replacing the Nigerian Lottery scams.

      One person that I know gets up to 3 scam calls a day on Skype claiming to be American Military men looking for a partner and romance, or more to the point a trail of money that mostly goes to Nigeria where most of the money paid for these scams is going.
      Everybody beware of the American Military Love Scams.

      Delete
  62. I have recently heard of a computer problem caused by a gremlin leaking tonic into the keyboard.
    If that happens again then send me the credit card details.
    A new $16 keyboard will be sent to the cardholder as well as receipt's from Rio.

    Yes, lookout for the skimmers and scammers.

    ReplyDelete
  63. It is interesting to note that the Coral Reefs around Australia seem able to regenerate themselves naturally. We have the global warmists and their supporters trying to stop the fishing industry and any form of production which we have enjoyed for so long when this article shows a different story to that which we are subjected continually by the likes of Tim Flannery and those of that ilk.
    I am attaching a link to a Science and Tech article from the Daily Mail of a few days ago. It seems strange that not too much has been published about this in the country they are discussing, Australia!!!!
    Scott Reef in northwest Australia is a case in point where there seems to be a terrible problem for the AGW theorists - the REEF IS IN GOOD CONDITION!!!!

    http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2304595/Coral-reefs-heal-researchers--humans-leave-alone.html#ixzz2PdxhdtA9




    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete


    2. I'll have another go:

      <>http://www.dailymail.co.uk/sciencetech/article-2304595/Coral-reefs-heal-researchers--humans-leave-alone.html#ixzz2PdxhdtA9

      Delete
  64. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  65. Bev,

    You can be sure Scott Reef coral became bleached but I think that was due to nutrient pollution feeding an invasive algae bloom that smothered the coral.
    Sure coral can recover if the cause of damage goes away, such a nutrients becoming exhausted of being swept away by currents.
    This is not about extinction or CO2.

    Also, I suggest you try posting the headline wording of the article link you are typing to post. Anyway, don't give up. It's good tom see you around.

    I wish someone on this site would get a Ning site going so there are not so many time wasting problems for us.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. We all agree that a ning format (or similar) would be great John, but obviously these things cost money and take a lot of someone's time. Frankly, I don't understand at all how Dale finds the time( and enthusiasm! to do what he does here.

      Re posting live links, if you just go back in Help and look at what Dale posted as the steps to follow, it's noyt hard, just a bit fiddly. eg here's Bev's Link, posted in accordance with those notes. Hope it works!! :-) Click Here
      Cheers al

      Delete
    2. Thank you, Alan - just got back here. I cannot understand the instructions that Dale sent me, especially the no 3. I didn't have time to try to work it out.
      I am going to send you another link that I want put on as well if you don't mind please. I thought it interesting. I will send it in a proper e-mail.

      Delete
    3. I think Ning is only $40 per month or so, I could pay from my pension if it had to come to that. I don't mind my name used to avoid libel or copyright or whatever as they cannot get blood from a stone. Anyway we are presently all fairdinkum on this site. Why would anyone want a legal nightmare.
      I agree re Dale and his time but I think he has one or two good and decent cyber literate helpers.
      And Tony is also close by in cyber space I think.
      With Ning photos can be put up, plus live links, so easily.

      Delete
  66. Anyway it is good to see the familiar names on here - I haven't forgotten any of you by any means - but that rotten Facebook has got me in and I waste far too much time on there - I thought the other JG site had me caught up!!!!!! Boy!! are there some nasty ones on Facebook - at least the pages I have got on to. (Political). I have learnt not to comment much though now and just watch - no wonder the country is in the mess it is when you see how some people think - of course there is nothing wring with all of us is there? lol. There are some very nice people on there too though. Crikey, I wouldn't put too much personal stuff on there though. Anyway I hope all are keeping well and sorry I am such a dope when it comes to posting things on here.

    ReplyDelete
  67. Bev, that's exactly why I won't touch Facebook, not even with a very long barge pole!!

    Here's that other link to a Reef Article you asked me to put up for you, a pleasure! :-)
    Click Here

    John, there are indeed others of us here with a few clues, IT wise, but Dale carries the load. There is a lot more to hosting (and managing!!) a ning site than just easily adding pics and links, which I too would very much like to do.

    Cheers al



    ReplyDelete
  68. Oops, there was something wrong with that link you sent me Bev. I have been to the site and recopied the link from the browser window, so here goes again! :-(

    Click Here
    Fingers crossed!
    al

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It workd - just as well some of you know how to do things. Thanks, Al and I shall do a bit of practising sometime.

      Delete
  69. I am too busy to play but why not simplify things for those who just want to post the actual live link in full rather than a hyperlink such as click here to activate it. Some prefer the actual full address and if it is a shorter process that would be better for all IMO

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fair enough John, but you simply can't paste the naked live link. So you either follow the Google BlogSpot protocol, or just paste the string which anyone interested then has to copy and paste into their browser window. A minor point, but some such strings are ridiculously long, and complex. eg Bev's 2nd link (the one that initially didn't work) covered 3 tightly packed lines, and some can be worse.

      Doesn't worry me either that it might 'look ugly' (cf "Click Here", that is) but if there were a few such links in a post, it really wastes a lot of space, with much toing and froing with browser pastes.

      Cheers al

      Delete
  70. Hi to all you former JG Friends, just another SCAM WARNING. I have received several emails from PayPal with "my account". I have NEVER ever bought anything online, other than my security, which has picked up that this is a Pfishing Scam, and I did not use PayPal.

    So please be very careful of a quite innocuous looking email.

    Thank goodness for Norton. Worth every cent.

    ReplyDelete
  71. Paypal, banks with whom we have no accounts, delivery firms saying click here to track your parcel or for a receipt - we get them all but never respond.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Right on, Janet and Bro. Another which doesn't go away is the call from 'Microsoft's Tech Centre' (via India) with the info that your computer is horribly infected and that they are calling to fix it for you. Via a fee paid from your bank a'c, by your credit card ...... Amazingly that still seems to be raking many in, as does the hoary old "You've won the lottery" scam.

      While not exactly fraudulent, those phone calls from Telstra, Optus or whomever which in fact are from one of their competing wholesale / retail outlets, not from the Telco itself, need watching.

      Cheers al

      Delete
    2. very dopey Niece fell for the old infected computer trick and they cleaned her credit card out and the bank allowed them to overdraw another $700 on it.
      Bank will not do anything for her because she authorised the transaction by doing as they asked and made a call from her Mobile phone.
      Will be interesting to see who the recipient is on her bank statement when it comes in.


      She closed the account and cancelled the card but they already had the loot which had to be paid through Western Union. Makes you wonder if this Western Union is on the level or with the crooks.

      Delete
  72. Geoff Brown, this should be of interest to you.

    http://www.abc.net.au/environment/articles/2013/04/12/3735095.htm

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. G'day John CF,

      Are you old enough to remember"Wrong Way Corrigan?" because Nuccitelli has been dubbed "Wrong way Nuccitelli"

      Over at Dr. Roger Pielke Sr’s website there’s a takedown in Physics Letters A of dogmatic eco-activist and “Skeptical Science” cohort Dana Nuccitelli, along with the rest of the SkS crew, regarding their (now failed) recent rebuttal to Douglas et al Ocean heat content and Earthʼs radiation imbalance. II. Relation to climate shifts

      I loved this part:

      In sum, we show that the criticism of our results (change of slope in the implied FTOA at the climate shift of 2001–2002) by Nuccitelli et al. is unwarranted because they used different data of less temporal resolution. A more careful analysis of this data shows, in fact, consistency and not conflict with our results.

      Please visit and read for yourself here

      Delete
    2. Hi Geoff B,
      Old enough yes, also sensible enough to ignore non-sense about CO2 warming the ocean.
      That said, it’s good to see you keeping up with all of it.
      From my point of view the nonsense is absolute, especially because AGW science has not measured or assessed photosynthesis-linked warmth in ocean algae plant matter.
      Yet plant matter inside farmed animals is measured ?

      It now appears that 'science' for money has been happening.
      No wonder Europeans scoff at data, they are reported as saying data can be used for anything.
      An ETS also comes to mind. ‘Approved’ excavation of seagrass nurseries in GBR waters as well.
      I posted this link on another threat but repeat it here:

      http://www.smh.com.au/technology/sci-tech/call-for-inquiry-as-csiro-comes-under-the-microscope-20130411-2hojm.html

      Best regards,
      John CF


      Delete
  73. From your link from the SMH
    - Former CSIRO staff, including division chief Max Whitten, said it was no longer recognised as a world-leading scientific institution, an accusation it vigorously disputes, citing a separate review by a former chief scientist in 2006.

    and there is also retired CSIRO scientist Art Raiche - at the No Carbon Tax Rally
    The original Scientists of the CSIRO were the best of their day and the CSIRO was a non-Government organisation working with quality science and how useful it was to Australia. (research)
    In the 80′s, I noticed we were under increasing pressure to become more “Business like” and the doors were opened to “Management Consultation.”
    Layer upon layer of management was created, some intersecting others.
    You think that your tax dollars went towards research but a lot of it was devoted to letting them play their management games…. the CSIRO was sent to fancy business schools in the US and Europe and they didn’t learn one thing…
    Management learned how to bring the most senior climate scientist under their control. It was OK to think independently…as long as Management approved of it.
    We were given very strict, VERY strict guidelines on not publishing anything or publicly discussing any research that could be seen as critical to Government policy.If we did not do it, we would be subject to dismissal.


    ReplyDelete
  74. The 24.5 metric tonnes of anhydrous ammonia (a much less volatile product than Ammonium Nitrate) that caused so much destruction in Waco Texas is less than the load of the highly explosive, ammonium nitrate being carried on a single "B" double trailer.

    There are many thousands of tonnes of the highly explosive Ammonium Nitrate stored within a couple of hundred metres of the Bruce Highway at Bajool. It is all visible from the road for all to see and is contained behind an ordinary chain wire fence.
    A couple of years ago there was almost an explosion at the Bajool explosive battery where the thousands of tonnes of explosives are stored.

    A bearing on a conveyor seized and overheated causing the contents of a storage tank to overheat and start to emit vapour that was potentially extremely explosive.
    The highway was closed several kms away to the north and south and the surrounding town and residences were being prepared to evacuate for their safety.

    It was stated in the press at the time that if the storage hopper had exploded it would have blown out windows in Rockhampton, 35 mms away (in a straight line).

    Seeing the results of the Waco blast with so relatively little (compared to the storage capacity here) product causing the explosion, what would be the result if Bajool was to ever blow up and worse still what would be the resulting damage at the Orica Factory if there was ever an explosion where they manufacture these explosives (500,000 tonnes of ammonium nitrate per annum), they also make chlorine, nitric acid and various other chemicals??.

    Orica is just 9 mms from Gladstone.

    The Waco explosion proves that no matter how careful they are, these explosions can happen.

    If there was ever a major explosion at the Orica plant the people of Gladstone would have to contend with almost total devastation.

    The Coal facilities and the LNG facilities could possibly all be wiped out leaving a wasteland compounded by the presence of cyanide and other chemicals from Orica and the possible breaching of the LNG pipelines into the LNG plants.

    The people of Gladstone are really in a precarious position with extremely dangerous industries all around them.

    Perhaps that is one of the main reasons why the Mayor of Gladstone is supportive of building hundreds of houses in ROCKHAMPTON to house the workers in Gladstone Industries. It is simply getting too dangerous to guarantee that there will not be a major disaster in Gladstone.

    ReplyDelete
  75. I really miss A home for jokes, hectic or elclectic thoughts.
    Not being on the land or having a scientific bent, I feel there is no point my being here. Wish we had somewhere strictly for jokes, poems , interesting snippet of an eclectic nature where an old townie like me could feel at home.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jan, you are spot on and you are also a recognised provider of excellent jokes! So away you go young lady, up to the top of the home page, and start a new discussion. I didn't take out copyright on Eclectic (Curses!! :-) so if you want to include that in the Title, please be my guest.
      Cheers al

      Delete
    2. Great idea, Jan and Al.

      I myself am hopeless when it comes to jokes, but I do enjoy a good joke - and "laughter is the best medicine" we are told. So bring it on!

      Delete
    3. Your encouragement is spot on, Elizebeth. I will be away for the next week and only sometimes on line, but will try to keep an eye on here, to see if Jan rises to our enthusiastic support.

      If she doesn't, because she is indeed a very modest lady, well I might when I get back. Unless some other cheeky fellow beats me to the punch, in the meantime. The fact that we can't add pics or any form of graphics here, other than in a New Topic, is a bit of a downer, but not necessarily a total one if the joke(s) are good.

      Cheers al

      Delete
  76. Very strange things birds. Scattered around our garden we have 6 of those little meercat statues that are all the go at the moment.
    Every afternoon about a half hour before dark, about 30 mickey birds and blue eyed fig eaters cone into the garden and literally go off their brain.

    They get into the trees above the meercat statues carrying on, going crazy and dive bombing these little statues.

    Yesterday I put one into the middle of the yard to see what they would do. They all came swooping and diving on the statue in the middle of the yard.
    after about 20 minutes the birds all head off and all is quiet again.
    It really is amusing to see the birds in action and very entertaining. They never seem to be concerned with cats or dogs so it would be interesting to know why they attack little statues like they do. The statues are only about 8 inches high.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Meerkats are ferocious hunters and gobblers up of worms, crickets, grubs etc etc and they have a very strict regime when it comes to tribal behaviour. The alpha male and female reign supreme, and if any saucy young female becomes (horror of horrors) pregnant and she isn't the queen, well out she goes!

      Maybe the birds, many species of which are pretty free and easy when it comes to ..... ummm, sex and monogamy, object to that? Or perhaps to the hunting skills of meerkats in the wild?

      Just trying to be helpful :-)
      Cheers al

      Delete
    2. The birds are simply trying to "compare the meerkats" simple :-)

      Delete
  77. If meerkats are normally found in the Kalahari Desert (Africa) how would native Australian birds know they posed a risk (especially a small statue replica of one)? Sounds weird, maybe you should take a vid and post on youtube Peter. Could be a big hit.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But John, Aleksandr Orlov and his meerkatmates have an OZ website:

      Compare the Meerkat - Aleksandr Orlov

      Delete
    2. Ripper Geoff and Young John, never underestimate the mystical communicating abilities across the airwaves of A Good Bird. Or group of same, in Peter's experience.
      Cheers al

      Delete
    3. Maybe they are refugees from The Life of Pi (read the book, saw the movie - spectacular - but which was the true story? I still say the tiger version.

      Delete
  78. But now, here's something new for you Walers out there.
    What the heck gives with Barry O'F? Why has NSW chosen to throw a slender lifeline to a most unpopular fed Government, which is casting around for any support in its dying days, prior to the Sept election?

    Denis Napthine says he wants to see some of the much more favourable terms which have been offered to (and accepted by) NSW on Gonski. Surely the Conservative leaders can see merit in sticking together at this stage of the game, with so much at stake? If Vic had led the way in chumming up with o, I would be right on to our local member, Fed member and their support teams to ask, "Hey, What gives here?.
    Yours in perplexion al

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. As the intermediary between the Mikkelsens (Mikko Qld, Bro al Vic, Moi NSW) I have a great disappointment with B O'F. He seems to be turning into the NSW Version of Mal Fraser, coming in with a massive majority and then being a failure with policy. Promises like CSG etc are fast disappearing out the window.

      Barry Oscar(?) O'Farrel, Head of the NSW Government is turning out to be a BOO'F Head .

      One suggestion is that he is in the camp of Malcolm Turnbull and therefore is driving a divisive axe into the back of Tony Abbott.

      B O'F had a few months to make up his mind before he grabbed the Barrel (O'Farrel) of Gillard's borrowed cash.

      The other thought is that he has forced Wayne Goose to include the Gonski funds into his May Budget. A clever device to help Abbott.

      Delete
  79. Geoff the Waler, I like "The other thought is that he has forced Wayne Goose to include the Gonski funds into his May Budget. A clever device to help Abbott.

    That would indeed be brilliant.
    Cheers al

    ReplyDelete
  80. Hey, me too, totally agree (see Geoff, we Bros Mikko do occasionally harmonise on the big ticket items :0)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

      Delete
    2. Here's the twittered (tweeted? Twitched?) opinion of another Waler


      Tony Windsor @TonyWindsorMP
      Great leadership shown by @barryofarrell and NSW Education Minister Adrian Piccoli in signing up to #gonski. Huge boost for country kids.

      Some-one I wouldn't like in my corner!

      Delete
  81. Hey Jano, why not take up the challenge and do what you suggest re jokes etc - start a new post/ discussion. It's easy, all you have to do is click on new post in the top right of the page after you have signed in. Then you can copy and paste or just type in the section which opens. You can easily download saved pics or images too, in the main post.
    More people should initiate discussions IMO by giving it a try and asking for help if it doesn't work for some reason. Actually starting a new discussion is not too much unlike the old flat earthers' site. Others could give it a go too particularly the ones with good comments on other discussions.
    Cheers
    JohnM

    ReplyDelete
  82. John, I don't seem to have "New Post" at the top of the page. I have had a go, so will post it here and hope that someone can start the discussion for me.


    JESTS JOKES AND JOLLITY
    (nothing serious allowed)

    I wish that I could write a poem or a witty piece of prose
    But all that comes is doggerel which is somewhat on the nose.
    I miss the place where we used to post exclusively for fun
    Where nobody posted worries about the stuff that bothers everyone.
    Where the jokes were hectic and eclectic in a column owned by Bro.Al
    Where we liked to post our funnies, and it all went very well.
    However, now we are on EG the format is of different kind
    And Al’s eclectic site is plagued by the problems on folk’s minds.
    John Miko said “C’mon Jano have a go” when I lamented the loss of fun.
    So, “Jests, Jokes and Jollity” is what I’ve gone and done.
    Now beware all those who would dare to post things to make us frown,
    For I will ask the lovely Dale to moderate and take it down.

    ReplyDelete
  83. Hey Jano, after you've 'signed in' it's right beside "sign out" - top right hand corner. Others should try it too....

    ReplyDelete
  84. Very interesting Q&A tonight. At the end one guy made the comment that the biggest influence on afghanistan in the future will be the Chinese. Most of the panel looked a little shocked and bewildered at this statement.

    This guy went on to say that China has played no part in the afghanistan saga, they have not given aid or supplied weapons or had anything to do with the goings on there.

    They have but, bought the rights to minerals and resources including enough copper to last them for 150 years and oil and other things.
    They are building railways etc for hundreds of kilometres to exploit the resources and the Afghans love them for what they are doing there.

    Doesn't this sound a little like what the Chinese Govt Companies are doing here in Australia in buying into every resource company and farming property that they can get their hands on and some of the greedy companies such as the LNG and coal are clapping their hands and wetting themselves with glee without properly considering the consequences of what they are doing.

    In isolation and in small individual doses it may not seem all that bad but when you put it all together and consider that the Chinese Government companies are very slowly chipping away and swallowing everything up by acquiring just a small bit at a time until they have the controlling interest.
    They are slowly but surely buying the controlling interests in this country to the detriment of our Citizens and taking over by stealth.

    It will only be a short time before they control all Gas, Coal, Steel and all of our resources,encouraged by the corrupt Gillard Government.
    The philosophy of Gillard and Co is the Philosophy of the Fabian Society (Communists) which advocates assuming control by stealth which is exactly what she is doing in handing to the Chinese govt companies all of our resources wealth.

    With the revelation tonight about the Chinese involvement by stealth in infiltrating Afghanistan, one of the most volatile nations on earth and the acceptance by the Afghan people shows just how sneaky China really is.

    ReplyDelete
  85. The robbery has begun early.
    Although the legislation to steal all money held in bank accounts that have been inactive for 3 years does not come into effect until after May 31st, the Government have jumped the gun and have already taken money from bank accounts which would be illegal prior to legislation coming into effect.

    http://www.couriermail.com.au/money/money-matters/queensland-pensioner-emerged-from-heart-surgery-to-find-bank-had-emptied-account-and-given-it-to-federal-government/story-fn3hskur-1226647919220

    This is the link to just one typical story about the theft of money from peoples accounts prior to the commencement date of the legalisation of theft in Australia.

    There are numerous reports coming forward now about this theft, including a report of $6 dollars being stolen from an account held by a child. Bloody hell they must be really getting desperate to rob little kids.

    All of this and more coming from an inept Government that can't finish the new ASIO headquarters off in Canberra because the Chinese have hacked the system and actually stolen the blueprints for the building and all of the sensitive secret facilities and computer layouts and all electronic installations within the building.

    Gillard does not speak Mandarin like Kevvie does but does she know more than she is saying about the theft of secret installations etc by the Chinese hackers.
    we must remember that there are only Chinese Government owned companies in China so it is reasonable to assume that the Chinese Govt are behind this massive breach of security in Australia but Gillard and Co are not saying anything. WHY??

    ReplyDelete
  86. They are using the Secret Squirrel excuse Peter. "We can't tell you cause it's secret..." How dumb do they think people are?

    ReplyDelete
  87. Today the Parliament of this country descended into the lowest depths that it has ever been.

    The Opposition tried to move a motion to suspend Standing Orders to have the relevant Minister explain certain matters concerning the presence of a convicted terrorist who was living in low security facilities in the Adelaide hills, almost next door to very sensitive Government facilities.

    As soon as the mover of the motion was starting to speak, the halfwit Albanese jumped up and moved that the person, "no longer be heard". The Speaker accepted his motion.
    A division was called and the opposition won the right to continue with the Motion.
    The speaker allowed the person moving the motion to continue because the vote was in their favour.

    Halfwit Albanese immediately jumped up again and moved that the person "no longer be heard". The exact same motion that he tried to gag the Opposition with the first time. The Speaker allowed the motion that the person moving the motion, "no longer be heard" and they were then successful in silencing the opposition from having some very serious matters to be aired.

    The Parliament is nothing more than a rabble. Why should Idiots like Albanese alone, have the power to decide what motions can be moved and why should Albanese alone have the absolute power to stop all members of the opposition from tabling documents in the Parliament. Where is the Democracy in giving one very vindictive, obnoxious person the power to gag an entire Parliament if he wishes to.

    Only a day or 2 back there was a motion voted on in Question time that was decided by a majority in favour of the Opposition but the Speaker determined that it was in the negative because there was not a big enough majority for it to pass.

    Surely if more than half of those voting are in favour of the Motion, then it should be passed. But then of course that only happens in real life where there are humans. Our Parliament is not expected to adhere to the same rules as the humans.
    There are not too many Humans in that Parliament.

    When Gillard set a firm date for an Election, the Govt should have gone into caretaker mode and not be permitted to make any major decisions without input by the Opposition until after the Election that the date has been set for.

    Shorten's Mother in Law (the Governor General) should immediately call for an Election on the basis that the Govt has lost the confidence of the people instead of sitting by and watching the rabble that are controlling the Govt deliberately destroy the Country because they know that they will not be re-elected and want to make it as difficult as possible for the next Govt.
    Of course she won't because her ties with the Members of Parliament (Mother in Law of the most powerful powerbroker in the Labor side of Politics) are shown more loyalty than the People that she is supposed to represent on behalf of the Queen.
    Like it or not, the Queen is our head of State until something happens to change that.
    The Governor General has sworn to uphold the protection of the People's rights.. It is time for the Governor General to fulfil her duties and perform or get out with the rabble that she obviously think more of than the people that she is charged with protecting. The conflict of interest between the Govt and Governor General is too great for her to hold the position.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Share your angst, Peter. For some reason I don't understand, the Speaker seems to completely escape any serious examination by the media. maybe it's because she actually has something of a personality, and is in the eye - rolling master class! But I for one think her performance has gone from poor to appalling. The Dreaded P Slipper did a much more even handed job.

      She should be taken to task for her extremely partisan performance, and I would like to see a Motion of No Confidence in the Speaker moved against her. Grrrr!!!

      al.

      Delete
  88. I have given up watching the rabble. But great post, Peter. You should post it as a separate topic (easy to do, just click on 'new post' at the very top right of the page after you have signed in. Dale is a very busy beaver but he may be able to help if you have a problem.

    ReplyDelete
  89. In the last week there has been much publicity about someone sending ricin contaminated letters to President Obama and other high ranking people in America.
    Ricin has been extensively used in the past to kill people, especially in the Cold War era and this should be of grave concern to us all.

    There are probably millions of ricin plants growing along our highways. Even in the centre of Mt Larcom there was ricin growing vigorously up to very recently (and perhaps it is still there).

    Nothing is being done to kill the ricin plants, the seeds of which contain one of the most toxic substances known to man and there is no known antidote for it yet.

    A friend in Brisbane a few years ago died suddenly and it was put down as a heart attack. He was cremated so there was no way of determining if it was in fact ricin that killed him.
    He used to make jewellery from the very pretty seeds of the plant and it is now believed that he may have accidentally ingested the fine powder created when he drilled the holes in the seed to string the "beads"

    Everybody sees these ricin plants on the road every day without realising the danger that they pose and the unlimited supply of ricin that could be harvested by a terrorist organisation without raising any suspicion because they are considered simply a weed that grows by the roadside.

    Ricin is actually the Caster Oil Plant. When Castor Oil is extracted the process removes the toxins, although older people remember that it does not remove the terrible taste when we were given it as a medicine.

    As you go about your daily travels you will see this extremely dangerous plant and think nothing of it but under no circumstances should you use the beautifully coloured and patterned seeds as decorative beads or ornaments.

    I have brought the dangers of this plant to the attention of MRD and various councils many times in the past but they do not consider that there is any problem with one of the most potent poisons on earth growing freely on the sides of their roads.

    With the latest report of the use of ricin to attempt to poison the President of the United States you would think that there would be more concern and it would be eliminated. All that is needed to kill it is a spray with roundup.

    ReplyDelete
  90. Malcolm Turnbull, the pretender to the crown and hopeful leader one day showed his ignorance tonight on Q&A when he called for the election to be brought on so that the people could elect a Prime Minister.
    He claims that when Gillard "assassinated" Krudd the Prime Minister elected by the people was wrongly removed and now that Gillard has been "assassinated" by Gillard, once again the Prime Minister elected by the people has been unfairly removed.

    Why would we want a person, with so little understanding of how the Australian Constitution and the Australian Parliament operates, to be the Prime Minister and run the country.

    Turnbull knows full well that the people do not ELECT A PRIME MINISTER in this country. The Prime Minister is a political appointment, appointed by a Political Party, NOT the electors of the country.

    If Turnbull is so smart then he must also know that there is no mention of, or provision for Political Parties in the Australian Constitution.
    If Political Parties are not recognised or provided for in the Constitution, then how can any Political Party appoint the leader of the Country (Prime Minister)

    I will supply to anybody genuinely interested, a copy of a letter from the Federal Government to myself that confirms that there is no mention of Political Parties in the Australian Constitution.
    This means that all Federal Governments for more than a century have not been conducted according to the Constitution of Australia, which is the document upon which all of our laws and method of Government are based.

    The original intent of the Australian Constitution was that we should elect Individuals and by a majority vote of ALL of those individual elected Members a leader of the Parliament was to be elected.

    The "parties"hijacked our system of electing our Government Members and now claim that the "Party" with the most people elected gets to run the Country but this is not so.


    Show me one Ballot paper that lists the leader of any party as the Prime Minister on that paper.
    No matter what the "Parties" say, the People DO NOT elect a Prime Minister and it is dishonest to claim otherwise.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mistake: Substitute Krudd for Gillard in second last line 1st paragraph.

      Delete
  91. Cleaning out some of my old emails I came across this little gem which seems to be relevant still today.

    Does Australia offer such generous schemes? If only I was a farmer or an illegal immigrant I could make a fortune from Great Britain PLC.


    THIS IS A COPY OF A REAL LETTER SENT TO DAVID MILLIBAND.....................










    NIGEL JOHNSON-HILL, PARKFARM, MILLAND, LIPHOOK GU30 7JT

    Rt Hon David Miliband MP
    Secretary of State.
    Department for Environment, Food and Rural Affairs (DEFRA),
    Nobel House
    17 Smith Square
    London
    SW1P 3JR

    16 July 2009

    Dear Secretary of State,

    My friend, who is in farming at the moment, recently received a cheque
    for £3,000 from the Rural Payments Agency for not rearing pigs.. I would now like to join the “not rearing pigs” business.

    In your opinion, what is the best kind of farm not to rear pigs on, and which is the best breed of pigs not to rear? I want to be sure I approach this endeavour in keeping with all government policies, as dictated by the EU under the Common Agricultural Policy.

    I would prefer not to rear bacon pigs, but if this is not the type you want not rearing, I will just as gladly not rear porkers. Are there any advantages in not rearing rare breeds such as Saddlebacks or
    Gloucester Old Spots, or are there too many people already not rearing these?

    As I see it, the hardest part of this programme will be keeping an accurate record of how many pigs I haven’t reared. Are there any Government or Local Authority courses on this?

    My friend is very satisfied with this business. He has been rearing pigs for forty years or so, and the best he ever made on them was £1,422 in 1968. That is - until this year, when he received a cheque
    for not rearing any.

    If I get £3,000 for not rearing 50 pigs, will I get £6,000 for not rearing 100? I plan to operate on a small scale at first, holding myself down to about 4,000 pigs not raised, which will mean about
    £240,000 for the first year. As I become more expert in not rearing pigs, I plan to be more ambitious, perhaps increasing to, say, 40,000 pigs not reared in my second year, for which I should expect about £2.4 million from your department. Incidentally, I wonder if I would be eligible to receive tradable carbon credits for all these pigs not producing harmful and polluting methane gases?

    Another point: These pigs that I plan not to rear will not eat 2,000 tonnes of cereals. I understand that you also pay farmers for not growing crops. Will I qualify for payments for not growing cereals to
    not feed the pigs I don’t rear?

    I am also considering the “not milking cows” business, so please send any information you have on that too. Please could you also include the current Defra advice on set aside fields? Can this be done on an e-commerce basis with virtual fields (of which I seem to have several thousand hectares)?

    In view of the above you will realise that I will be totally unemployed, and will therefore qualify for unemployment benefits. I shall of course be voting for your party at the next general election.


    Yours faithfully,


    Nigel Johnson-Hill

    ReplyDelete
  92. Ha ha! Sounds like the absolutely perfect scheme for getting rich by not trying!

    ReplyDelete
  93. Probably not true but it is quite believable when you take into account the fairy tales told by Politicians

    AUSTRALIAN WAY ?

    No matter what side of the political fence you're on, THIS is FUNNY and VERY telling! It just all depends on how you look at the same things.

    Judy Rudd an amateur genealogy researcher in south east Queensland , was doing some personal work on her own family tree. She discovered that ex-Prime Minister Kevin Rudd’s great-great uncle, Remus Rudd, was hanged for horse stealing and train robbery in Melbourne in 1889. Both Judy and Kevin Rudd share this common ancestor.

    The only known photograph of Remus shows him standing on the gallows at the Melbourne Jail.


    On the back of the picture Judy obtained during her research is this inscription:

    'Remus Rudd horse thief, sent to Melbourne Jail 1885, escaped 1887, robbed the Melbourne-Geelong train six times.

    Caught by Victoria Police Force, convicted and hanged in 1889.'



    So Judy recently e-mailed ex-Prime Minister Rudd for information about their great-great uncle, Remus Rudd.


    Believe it or not, Kevin Rudd's staff sent back the following biographical sketch for her genealogy research:

    "Remus Rudd was famous in Victoria during the mid to late 1800s. His business empire grew to include acquisition of valuable equestrian assets and intimate dealings with the Melbourne-Geelong Railroad..

    Beginning in 1883, he devoted several years of his life to government service, finally taking leave to resume his dealings with the railroad.

    In 1887, he was a key player in a vital investigation run by the Victoria Police Force. In 1889, Remus passed away during an important civic function held in his honour when the platform upon which he was standing collapsed."


    NOW That’s how it's done, Folks!

    That's real POLITICAL SPIN.

    =


    ReplyDelete
  94. That one originated in the US Peter - different politician - but yes its a great example of political spin as also used effectively by the GPC.

    ReplyDelete
  95. Every Rural ratepayer will be taxed $90.00 or more on their next rates bill under the heading of Rural Fire Levy.

    Treasurer Nicholls confirmed in a reply to Liz Cunningham (State Member for Gladstone) that NO PORTION of this levy would be returned to Rural Fire Services.

    A delegation of Rural Fire Service Group Officers, representing Brigades and Ratepayers from Tweed Heads to Mackay, will be meeting with State Cabinet on Sunday 25th August 2013 from 3pm to 5pm at the Clinton State School, Harvey Road Gladstone.

    This is just another money grab where the Government has no intention of returning any of the money collected to Rural Fire Brigades.

    How can they take money for "fire Services" if not one cent of the money is to be returned to fire services?

    Link to ABC report.

    http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-06-11/nrn-levy-angers-qld-rural-firies/4746454

    ReplyDelete
  96. http://www.abc.net.au/news/2013-08-09/campaign-letter/4876638

    This is the link to a Labor letter to voters that was released by Chris, Ahh, Ahh, Ahh, Ahh, Trevor.
    It contains his and Krudds photo at the top and apparently Gladstone has been officially moved to South East Qld. We already know that all of the money earned here goes to SEQ but this is the first confirmation that it actually does.

    This letter states quite clearly that Chris Trevor, Krudds local (Gladstone) Candidate and Krudd will protect jobs and services against cuts and secure LOGAN's economic future.

    We do not want an elected member that does not know where he lives. He has lived in Gladstone all of his life, I believe but still doesn't know that Gladstone is not in Logan City.

    Is this guy for real or does he just distribute everything that Krudd puts in front of him.

    ReplyDelete
  97. This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  98. Stuffed up first time hopefully right this time

    Going through some material from 2009 and found a little gem here.

    You do not have to be an elected member of Parliament in Qld to become a Govt Minister

    After the last election where Labor won, there was one Minister who was appointed the day after the poll when the results were not in yet and the poll had not been declared so I wrote to the Govt seeking the legality of the situation, especially in view of the fact that the "new minister" had not been in the country for long and his only claim to fame was that he had been the Attorney General of Tuvalu, the second SMALLEST Nation on Earth. This apparently made him eminently qualified to hold the same position in Qld.
    I wanted to know how a first time candidate who was not yet elected could be given a senior ministry in the Qld Govt.

    There was a 3 page answer but the conclusion was as follows: (answer from Qld Parliamentary Library)

    Section (4) Conclusion
    As there is no specific requirement that only Members of the Legislative Assembly can be appointed to ministerial positions, technically there is no requirement that the Governor await the declaration of the relevant polls.

    The convention of ministerial appointments only coming from the ranks of members of the Legislative Assembly has partly developed because of practical difficulties associated with the appointment of a non-member being available to the house

    Had the Constitutional and other Amendment Bill 2005 been passed by the Legislative Assembly, the new s43A in the Constitution Act 2001 would have prescribed the procedure for ministerial appointment more specifically than it currently does.

    2 points here. If Newman had lost the election he could still have been appointed a senior Minister in the Govt and the other point is that the 2001 Constitution Act refered to is the new Constitution for QLD that Peter Beattie created and refused to put to a referendum of the people so it has never been received or ratified by the people of Queensland.
    NO organisation no matter how large or small can change or create a new Constitution without a MAJORITY vote of ALL members of the organisation, in this case the electors of Queensland by law should have been given the right to a referendum to decide if we actually wanted a new loaded "Constitution."

    ReplyDelete
  99. Pretty interesting this.
    Apparently Palmer was connected to the hose for refueling in Melbourne, Krudd was still in the air but they disconnected the fuel hose from Palmer's plane and made him move his plane to let Krudd's plane in to refuel.

    Saturday week cannot come soon enough to get rid of the pompous, self centred, arrogant excuse for a Politician, AKA, Krudd.



    http://au.news.yahoo.com/queensland/a/-/article/18703759/stranded-palmer-blames-rudd-for-delay/

    ReplyDelete
  100. /

    This is Krudd as seen perceived by an English Newspaper and it's comments from the public there.

    Krudd is more famous than he thinks and it appears that the Poms are more aware of his false facade than we
    are

    http://www.spectator.co.uk/australia/australia-leading-article/8955281/a-complete-and-utter-fraud-2/

    ReplyDelete
  101. Some little gems that I came across.

    We hang petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office.
    ~Aesop, Greek slave & fable author

    Those who are too smart to engage in politics are punished by being governed by those who are dumber.
    ~Plato, ancient Greek Philosopher

    Politicians are the same all over.
    They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.
    ~Nikita Khrushchev, Russian Soviet politician

    When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President; I'm beginning to believe it.
    ~Quoted in 'Clarence Darrow for the Defense' by Irving Stone.

    Politicians are people who when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel.
    ~John Quinton, American actor/writer

    Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other.
    ~Oscar Ameringer, "the Mark Twain of American Socialism."

    I offered my opponents a deal:
    "if they stop telling lies about me, I’ll stop telling the truth about them"
    ~Adlai Stevenson, campaign speech, 1952..

    A politician is a fellow who will lay down your life for his country.
    ~Texas Guinan. 19th century American businessman

    I have come to the conclusion that politics is too serious a matter to be
    left to the politicians.
    ~Charles de Gaulle, French general & politician

    Instead of giving a politician the keys to the city…
    it might be better to change the locks.
    ~Doug Larson (English middle-distance runner who won gold medals at the 1924
    Olympic Games in Paris, 1902-1981)

    ReplyDelete
  102. http://www.theaustralian.com.au/national-affairs/state-politics/red-flag-on-fifth-islamic-school/story-e6frgczx-1226741298459#
    This is a link to a story in the Australian (there are also other sources) regarding one School that has been ordered to repay 9 million dollars by the Federal Govt after an investigation revealed that millions were funnelled from the School to the Australian Federation of Islamic Councils.

    So far there has been no action taken against this and 4 other schools by the State or Federal Govt education Departments because it is understood that there are concerns about being "anti Muslim"

    Why is the Govt funding these schools if the millions of dollars are being deliberately channelled to organisations other than education establishments and why are the Authorities not taking action on what can only be described as theft or fraud?

    ReplyDelete
  103. Beware there is a new scam doing the rounds. The foreign fixits apparently have fixed the problems with every computer, even if you don't own a computer (and sucked many bank accounts dry), the latest is the foreign voice advising you that you previously ordered new cartridges for your printers and requesting that you call them and send your details so that they can now bill you for the cartridges and forward them to you as you supposedly requested.

    They are always coming up with scams but this one did not work because I have not bought a printer cartridge for at least 2 years. I buy bulk ink and refill my own.

    Don't think the halfwit on the other end liked it when I used a couple of "f" words and told him where to go.

    ReplyDelete
  104. BAR STOOL ECONOMICS

    Suppose that every day, ten men go out for beer and the bill for all ten comes to $100 and they paid the bill the way we pay our taxes, it would go something like this:

    The first four men (the poorest) would pay nothing.
    The fifth would pay $1.
    The sixth would pay $3.
    The seventh would pay $7.
    The eighth would pay $12.
    The ninth would pay $18.
    The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59.
    So, that's what they decided to do.
    The ten men drank in the bar every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement, until one day, the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, "I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily beer by $20." So drinks for the ten now cost just $80.
    The group still wanted to pay their bill the way we pay our taxes so the first four men were unaffected. They would still drink for free...but what about the other six men - the paying customers? How could they divide the $20 windfall so that everyone would get his 'fair share?'. They realized that $20 divided by six is $3.33. But if they subtracted that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would each end up being paid to drink his beer.
    So, the bar owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same amount, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so:
    The fifth man, like the first four, now paid nothing (100% savings).
    The sixth now paid $2 instead of $3 (33%savings).
    The seventh now pay $5 instead of $7 (28%savings).
    The eighth now paid $9 instead of $12 (25% savings).
    The ninth now paid $14 instead of $18 (22% savings).
    The tenth now paid $49 instead of $59 (16% savings).
    Each of the six was better off than before...and the first four continued to drink for free. But once outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings.
    "I only got a dollar out of the $20,"declared the sixth man. He pointed to the tenth man," but he got $10!"
    "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. "I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got ten times more than I!"
    "That's true!!" shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $10 back when I got
    only two? The wealthy get all the breaks!"
    "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor!"
    The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up.
    The next night the tenth man didn't show up for drinks, so the nine sat down and had beers without him. But when it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They didn't have enough money between all of them for even half of the bill!

    And that, ladies and gentlemen, journalists and college professors, is how our tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up anymore. In fact, they might start drinking overseas where the atmosphere is somewhat friendlier.

    David R. Kamerschen, Ph.D.
    Professor of Economics
    University of Georgia



    For those who understand, no explanation is needed..
    For those who do not understand, no explanation is possible.

    ReplyDelete
  105. Happy 2014 Everybody - hope it's a goodie for all.

    14 years into The "LESS" Century



    *Our Phones ~ Wireless

    *Cooking ~ Fireless

    *Cars ~ Keyless


    *Food ~ Fatless

    *Tires ~ Tubeless

    *Dress ~ Sleeveless

    *Youth ~ Jobless

    *Leaders ~ Shameless

    *Relationships ~ Meaningless

    *Attitude~ Careless

    *Wives ~ Fearless

    *Babies ~ Fatherless

    *Feelings ~ Heartless

    *Education ~ Valueless


    *Children ~ Mannerless

    *Politicians ~ Gutless



    Everything is becoming LESS




    BUT still our hopes are ~ ENDLESS.


    I'm not certain that I believe ALL of that. Cheers

    ReplyDelete
  106. One of my pet hates is made up words, that the chattering class use to impress us with their intelligence.
    One such a word of (unfortunately) long standing is " Methodology", used incessantly when the word "method" would apply. Break it down and you realise that the suffix "ology" means "science of" or "study of"... hence we now have the "science of method", which of course is arrant nonsense.
    A new one for me to add to my list has raised its ugly head on radio 4GR this morning. Discussing the need for children to be encouraged to operate Bank accounts, we were gaily informed of "incentivisation" being offered . I can only assume that the speaker wanted to say "incentive" but decided that it didn't sound important enough.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Tony, I agree wholeheartedly and wonder what James Murray of the Oxford Dictionary Fame, and one of my favourite writers, Dr Seuss would think. Hope you like this :

      The Seuss-inspired poem below imagines this made-up meeting. It starts with a make-believe journey, and is based on the entirely fictional premise that in 1911, the seven-year-old Ted Geisel visited a very real Oxford with his parents, where he met James Murray, the first Editor of the Oxford English Dictionary. . .

      An imaginary meeting: Dr Seuss meets Dr Murray

      We came from America to England by boat.
      The boat was broad and it whipped through the waves.
      I staggered and stumbled; Daddy smiled and said:
      ‘You’ll get your sea-legs soon, young Ted ’.

      He was right!
      He was right!

      I grew two legs that were glittering green,
      With ten tapered toes where my own toes had been.
      My sea-legs could buckle and bend, my friend,
      Every jolt, every jump that the ship could send –
      I stayed standing steady, head at the right end.

      Then we went to Oxford on a train.
      The top of the train was wet with rain.
      It was drier to travel by boat than by rail!
      Outside the station I saw an Ox on a box,
      With emerald eyes and emerald socks,
      An emerald body and an emerald tail.
      I touched its flank and its tail shrank,
      It shuddered and snorted and snarfled and stamped.
      Mummy pulled me away and we left him alone
      The ox winked an eye and turned back into stone.

      A turret!
      A tower!


      We saw the whole lot; the whole lot we espied.
      Daddy said ‘splendid’ and Mommy said ‘charming’.
      I picked up a coin with a king on one side,
      The king pulled a face
      (It was fairly alarming –
      But he didn’t have limbs,
      So was also disarming.)

      On Walton Street, we neared a man with a beard,
      Longer than Grandpapa’s
      (before his disappeared)
      It was grey, grand, and grizzled,
      And went down to his knees
      Or, if not there, his elbows
      Or, if not there, his torso;
      Let’s say it went down to his neck – only moreso.

      He stopped to talk, I could only gawk, I didn’t know what to say or do,
      ‘What’s your name, young man?’ asked the gent with a smile.
      ‘Ted, Sir’, I said, “Who are you? Who are you?”
      ‘My name is James Murray.’
      ‘Are you magical, mister? A sorcerer, sir?’
      Dad hushed me, and said not to trouble the Doctor.
      ‘Mr Geisel, don’t worry. I’m not in a hurry.’
      He cleared his throat, and he talked for a while.

      He explained how he catches all Words in a net.
      They’re not easy to catch – they flutter and flap,
      Hither and thither and yonder and back.
      He studies them closely while they wriggle and writhe,
      (For an old bearded man, he’s surprisingly lithe)
      And when they have settled, by hook or by crook,
      They’re ready to go in his wonderful book,
      Where people from everywhere can all have a look –
      And then, off they fly, and he waves them goodbye.
      He watches them soar in the sea-blue sky.

      I liked the old man. I shall never forget,
      The stories he told
      Of the Words, and his net –
      I wish I had seen it catch ‘salamander’
      And lunge after ‘quintessence’
      And sneak up on ‘set’,
      Writing them up next to ‘marionette’.
      Such wonderful Words, that flutter like birds!
      Sloping like cats, or amassing in herds.
      With such a wise man I could not disagree . . .
      But it certainly sounded like magic to me.

      Doctor Murray smiled when I finally said
      That there must be magic, to get dancing Words read.
      He stroked his beard.
      He patted my head.

      “Dear Ted! Oh, the places you’ll go,” he said.

      Delete
  107. Yesterday scientists revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones. To prove their theory, the scientists fed 100 men 12 pints of beer and observed that 100% of them gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became emotional, and couldn't drive. No further testing is planned.

    ReplyDelete
  108. WARNING TO MEN:

    Police warn all clubbers, partygoers and unsuspecting pub regulars to be alert and stay cautious when offered a drink from any woman. A new date rape drug on the market called "beer" is used by many females to target unsuspecting men.

    The drug is usually found in liquid form and is now available almost anywhere. It comes in bottles, cans from taps and in large "kegs". "Beer" is used by female sexual predators at parties and bars to persuade their male victims to go home and have sex with them.

    Typically, a woman needs only to persuade a guy to consume a few units of "beer" and then ask him home for no-strings-attached sex.

    Men are rendered helpless against this approach. After several "beers" men will often succumb to desires to perform sex with horrific looking women to whom they would never normally be attracted. After drinking "beer" men often awaken with only hazy memories of exactly what happened to them the night before, often with just a vague feeling that something bad occurred.

    At other times these unfortunate men are swindled out of their life's savings in a familiar scam known as "a relationship". It has been reported that in extreme cases, the female may even be shrewd enough to entrap the unsuspecting male into a longer term form of servitude and punishment referred to as "marriage". Apparently, men are much more susceptible to this scam after "beer" is administered and sex is offered by the predatory female.

    Please! Forward this warning to every male you know. However if you fall victim to this insidious "beer" and the predatory woman administering it, there are male support groups with venues in every town where you can discuss the details of your shocking encounter in an open and frank manner with similarly affected, like-minded guys.

    For the support group nearest you, just look up "Golf Courses" in the yellow pages.

    ReplyDelete

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